Sabean Diligently Replaces Howry/Valdez Combo with Trio of Lousy Pitchers

Somewhere in my imagination, Brian Sabean and his staff had a conversation this week that went something like this:

Sabean: Guys, I like what we’ve done this winter. Lots of due diligence and tire kicking. I’m proud.

Staff: Thanks boss!

Sabean: There’s one thing that’s bothering me, though: the bullpen. We need to kick a few more tires there, diligently.

Staff: Totally agree. Who were you thinking about? Kiko Calero? Chan-Ho Park?

Sabean: No, no. Those guys want Major League contracts. No, see, we got rid of Bob Howry and Merkin Valdez, right?

Staff: Yeah…

Sabean: Ok, that’s what I’m talking about. We need to replace those guys with equally horrible options.

Staff: Uhh…

Sabean: Listen, I already found Byung-Hyun Kim pitching somewhere in South Korea and signed him to a minor league deal. Tire kick.

Staff: He hasn’t pitched in two years!

Sabean: Exactly. Plus, he’s given up a crapload of walk-offs in his career. We won’t even notice Howry’s gone. Then I went and signed Horacio Ramirez.

Staff: He had an ERA close to 6.00 last year…

Sabean: Right, it’s like still having Valdez without a decent fastball. Diligence. But you guys will love this one…are you ready? Ok, ok. Ready? Ok… I got Guillermo Mota today.

Staff: Wasn’t he suspended for violating the drug policy a few years ago?

Sabean: For sure. And, he tried to dome Mike Piazza and then ran away like a punk.

Staff: Well…

Sabean: No, literally, he ran out of the stadium and drove away with Brian Jordan.

Staff: We remember.

Sabean: Tire kick!

I guess we should be thankful Armando Benitez wasn’t available? That’s the only silver lining I can think of.

Kim was last seen in 2007, when he posted an impressive 23.63 ERA in 2 starts with Arizona, after posting an ERA of 5.42 in Florida that same season. Ramirez hasn’t been very good since his rookie year of 2003, and Mota’s career will likely be defined by the time he threw at Piazza and then ran for his life. Not exactly a stellar crop of signings, those.

It’s unlikely the Giants are going to hand out any more Major League contracts before the season starts, since they’d be forced to clear someone from the 40-man roster (*cough cough* Fred Lewis *cough cough*) to do so. Any bullpen/lineup/rotation help is going to come from minor league deals, but if these recent signing are any indication, there’s not much help to be had.

Hey, you don’t think Erik Bedard would take a minor league deal, do you?

Tags: Brian Sabean, Off Season, San Francisco Giants, San Francisco Giants Blog